I have about 20 posts I’ve written to RFCP over the past few months; I wrote some angry ones in all caps, some were written with tears streaming down my face, some were written in moments where I felt completely numb, and others were written as giant apologies. I don’t know what tone to take anymore so I’m guessing.
When this website was published I was sent dozens of supportive messages from members of the community. People thanked me for my bravery because coming forward was very difficult for me: I was welcomed into army servers, I made friends, I had the support I needed to get through the trauma I feel I experienced in RFCP. I was wanting to move on. I needed to move on because I was going absolutely insane.
Contrary to how this website was presented, it was my idea and Supreme agreed to take credit for it so I would face less harassment. Most of the posts were written by me and Supreme just edited them. He actually advised against this website but it ultimately ended up getting published because he does everything he can to support me in every area of my life, even if he disagrees. I wanted to make sure I could never return to RFCP and I knew that coming forward was the only way to ensure I’d never be welcomed back. I knew RFCP was bad, especially Prior’s RFCP, but I didn’t have the strength to stay away due to what I was experiencing. This was the only thing I could do to make sure I stayed out. Supreme’s plan to protect me backfired though and they attacked both of us instead.
RFCP, more specifically Microwaveable Hamster quickly made it her life mission to destroy my life and my relationship. I lost nearly all of the support I had after Microwaveable Hamster made her legal threats public. People began to want nothing to do with me or anyone still associated to RFCP. It has gotten better but originally it was awful. They believed my experiences shared on this website, they knew that I had gone through hell, but Microwaveable Hamster’s threats towards the children and teens of the CPA community were too much for a lot of people to handle.
I want to make it clear that I am not angry or upset with anyone who needed to take a step back from a friendship with me because of her threats: I am angry that two adults (25+ year olds) who choose to spend their time playing a game intended for children, spent a good potion of their time threatening the youth of the community with legal words and issues they are too young to understand.
I believe if you are an adult choosing to play this game then you need to behave like one and make the community experience as pleasant and fun for the kids as possible. Microwaveable Hamster is a wife and mother in real life, I think it was very wrong of her to threaten children. Adults can of course have fun playing the game, I do, but I feel that an adult prioritizing their gameplay experience more than a child’s is inappropriate and immature.
I’ve asked myself many times why this is happening, I’ve asked myself why Prior Bumble and his supporters are they way they are. I’ve looked back onto feelings and emotions I felt when I was close to Prior, I have used my knowledge of Prior’s personality and real life self to try and make sense of why he does what he does, I’ve tried to understand why he allows his supporters to cause individuals extreme pain simply because they publicly oppose him.
Looking back on RFCP’s track record: I can name several people in which whom Prior has personally bullied, or sent others to bully for him (he would usually send me 😭😔). I believe Microham and Prior are a lot alike in the sense that they use the community and the game to compensate for feelings and power they are lacking in their own life. I know that their ages and adult life is something the two of them have bonded over, especially because their age group is not something we really see in this community. I understand that feeling superior over a group of people is a good feeling, however feeling superiority over children and people much younger than you is highly inappropriate. I made a lot of mistakes during my time in RFCP, and Prior brought out a side of me that I never thought existed. I unfortunately participated in a lot of the harassment I am now working hard to speak out against and protect the community from. Prior Bumble brought out a terrifying side of me and I am seeing that side brought out of other people and I want to help. I know I can never make up for what I did, even with accepted apologies, but I can definitely use my knowledge and experiences to help make sure no one else suffers. I have made it my personal mission to protect people I am friends with from the toxicity that exists within Prior Bumble and some of his closest affiliates.
A huge part of me truly feels like the harassment I am facing from Prior Bumble and Microwaveable Hamster is well deserved: not because of this website, but because under Prior’s order I targeted innocent people of the community and caused them to feel the same pain I am currently feeling. This is one of the reasons why I have tolerated the bullying all of these months and kept my mouth shut.
One of my biggest regrets during my time in RFCP was convincing myself that my attacks towards people were justified because I was protecting a heartbroken Prior. Harassment is never justified, especially over a Club Penguin game, and I regrettably made it a point to make sure that the pain I made people feel was worse than the pain Prior felt. That was so incredibly wrong of me and no amount of apologies will ever be enough. I have been tolerant of this harassment towards me and my boyfriend because I feel like it was meant to happen to make up for what I did, and I know that Prior Bumble and Microwaveable Hamster justify their actions and words towards me and others because they feel it is well deserved.
I did things without even thinking about how it was making the person behind the screen feel. I was selfish and only cared about how Prior felt and how I could relieve as much of his pain as possible. Prior Bumble reminded his army many times that if you weren’t fighting for him then you were fighting against him. That twisted line was unfortunately what I lived by during my time in RFCP. I never wanted Prior to think I was against him and I wanted him to always know that he was being fought for. At the time I was terrified of facing the same fate that past members faced. I prioritized the validation Prior felt from my attacks towards his opposers more than I prioritized how I was making these people feel. I did whatever I needed to do to make sure I was the closest person to him, because I was scared of what would happen to me if he felt I was against him.
If I began to allow myself to feel sympathy, guilt, or sorrow for how I was making someone feel: I’d stop myself from thinking about it immediately. It was easier to pretend they weren’t a real person with feelings behind a screen because it made my forced duties to protect Prior Bumble a lot easier to emotionally handle.
What I wish more than anything is that someone would have sat down and told me, with examples, how I was making these people feel. I wish someone would have validated my reasonings for doing what I was doing, but strictly explain that it was not okay because I was hurting real people with lives, families, and feelings. I truly believe that a conversation like that would have snapped me out of it. I am a good person with a HUGE heart and I don’t like upsetting people; the realization that I had caused people pain would have been enough to pull me away from RFCP. I know this because learning how I made people feel as Prior’s greatest supporter is one of the main reasons I left the army in September.
It’s easy to forget people are human with emotions when they have been painted as these evil monsters. I lost control of myself and who I really was when I was protecting Prior: my morals were thrown out the window, my kind heart and loving tendencies were abandoned, and I became someone I couldn’t recognize.
We are all human and make mistakes: even grown ups mess up. I want to give the people causing me pain the benefit of the doubt that they are in a mindset similar to the one I was in. I want to tell them some things that I wish were told to me, in an attempt to open their minds a bit and encourage them to stop what they’re doing for the betterment of everyone involved.
I want every RFCP member that feels anger towards me to understand that I know how you feel. Most of you truly don’t know the extent of the support I gave Prior Bumble during Fall 2019, and January 2020: two major time periods that affected him emotionally. I was at his side through both fiascos and provided him endless support, love, and validation. Prior Bumble himself said that if I hadn’t been at his side then he would have permanently retired (Yes, I know, mistakes were made 😭). With that love and support came intense feelings of anger: I was angry at how these opposers supposedly treated him and I wanted to do everything and anything in my power to make him feel better. Validation though attacks towards his opposers was one of the main ways he felt validation.
I was the leader of The Priortorian Guard; during last few weeks of Winter and the entirety of Spring and Summer. I worked around the clock for him (even before the division was formed). I wrote countless letters and paragraphs to his opposers in an attempt to make people see him differently. I was in close contact with his father and friends so they could support him as well. Prior used to call me his “little grenade”; he threw me into group chats and encounters with his opposers so I’d explode and defend/validate him through harassment, threats, and bullying. He throughly enjoyed the validation he felt when I did that and it drew him closer to me through a sense of love, safety, and security. He was often proud of me for my harsh reactions in defending his character. I received a lot of praise and perks for defending him at that level.
RFCP: Although you may feel like your treatment towards me is well deserved, and that I am worthy of every bad message sent my way, you need to realize that treating me and others this way doesn’t do anything to help you. It doesn’t make people’s feelings towards Prior Bumble and RFCP change. It actually does the opposite.
Writing open letters to fix Prior’s reputation has already been done many times and it hasn’t worked. Attempting to expose Prior’s opposers through screenshots and letters has already been done, it didn’t do anything to repair the way people see him. Harassment towards Prior’s opposers (or anyone) only further turns people against you. Everything you do to hurt someone only supports the very well proven narrative that RFCP is full of bullies and harassers. Doing things to hurt the people against you only gives the community more content to further prove that point. It may in the moment make you feel better, you may feel like it’s a well deserved punch back, it may give Prior Bumble validation, but all it does is make community members dislike you even more. You may feel short term benefits, but you’ll experience long term consequences.
At the end of the day you just need to ask yourselves: What is more important to you? Your desired reputation as a strong, safe, loving, and family oriented army of the CPA community? Or exposing/hurting people who have hurt you and focusing changing Prior’s reputation that simply can’t be repaired? You can have one or the other, but you cannot have both. You can either work on helping people to see you how you see yourselves, or you can attempt to further harass, expose, and bully people. You can’t repair your reputation by any defense towards Prior Bumble, because people will never think he is good. There is nothing you can ever do to change the way people see him. You can’t repair your reputation through open letters or harassment. If you desire a changed reputation it needs to be done without defending Prior and without bullying. You need to be an army away from Prior Bumble and your current generation needs to learn from the old generations mistakes and not defend the person who caused these intense feelings of dislike towards your army. AKA: love Prior, but move on without mentioning/including him, forget about trying to repair his rep, and focus on the army’s rep instead. The best thing to do is show through your actions that you have changed, and unless you are willing to take accountability for past mistakes, you should do that without writing an open letter about it.
You are allowed to believe that what I just said is unfair. I understand that it feels very unfair that people can punch you but it’s frowned upon when you punch back. I understand it is unfair and frustrating that you love your former leader so much and your defenses aren’t working. You are allowed to be hurt and angry. I believe every feeling, despite what others believe, are very much valid. You are allowed to feel whatever you want about the truth of the position you are in. However there comes a point to where you need to accept things for how they are and do what is best for you. If having the community hate you even more with no possible chance of restoring your reputation is fine with you, then so be it. Just know that any public attacks towards me, Supreme, or other people might sting, but it won’t have any affect on our reputation. People will come to our defense because we will be known as yet another person who has been bullied by RFCP, and your reputation will be even more damaged. Your exposés will never work. If you want a shot at true success then a change of attitude is needed.
I know this is very very hard for RFCP members to accept, but along with your evidence and reasonings that you believe prove Prior Bumble is a good person, the majority of the community feels there is even more evidence and reasonings to validate our beliefs that Prior Bumble is not a good person. Both opinions towards him are valid: but the opposing side has heard every defense before and opinions have not changed.
RFCP, you do not need to see Prior Bumble the same way we do. You are allowed to think he is an amazing person, a good fatherly figure, and a great leader. Your feelings towards someone you love dearly are valid. We are privately concerned for the sake of people in the army, but no one is asking for you to see him differently. You are allowed to love who you love and be in whatever army you choose. If Prior Bumble makes you happy then I am happy. You’re allowed to be happy with Prior Bumble. However just like we can’t control how you see him, you can’t control how other people see him: I know it hurts that others don’t love him like you do and that people think he isn’t a good person, but you unfortunately can’t do anything to change that. His reputation and the way people see him is out of your control and that can’t be changed. All you can do is try to mend the way people see an army no longer led by Prior: that is the only thing that is currently in your control.
Just like your feelings of love towards Prior are valid, our feelings of dislike towards Prior are valid as well. Remember, feelings are something that usually can’t be controlled, therefore I believe all feelings are valid, even if they are unpopular.
Along with your reasonings you have that you feel prove Prior is a good person, there are reasonings that the people feel proves that Prior is a bad person. I know that Prior blames the dislike towards him on “mob mentality” and he is confused as to why people feel this way towards him. I want to clearly list some facts (not opinions) that prove the majority’s opinion toward him that he is indeed not the way RFCP sees him.
I call these “facts” because there is screenshotted proof from the RFCP server and DMs with Prior Bumble that proves each item on my list happened. They are listed as statements, not opinions, and there is enough evidence to prove them as fact. I have enough evidence to prove these things happened and that is why I am deeming these statements as factual. I want to make it clear (to satisfy Ms. MicroLawyer) that by publishing this list, I am not accusing Prior Bumble or his army of any illegal activity, and I am not implying that he has cruel or unsafe intentions. This list contains things that actually happened and can be proven. For the sake of this list, any negative feelings towards Prior Bumble are irrelevant.
1.) Back in late Summer of 2019, before the “mob mentality” existed, before any open letters had been published, a teenager faked their death to escape RFCP and Prior Bumble
2.) During RFCP’s early days Prior Bumble failed to keep NSFW content out of a server that revolved entirely around a game intended for children, instead he actually started and participated in adult themes
3.) Prior Bumble neglected to hire enough army staff to moderate his growing server. In early Fall of 2019, RFCP had only three moderators in their server.
4.) Prior Bumble engaged in a “masturbation contest” with a minor. Later engaging in another contest with a second minor.
5.) Prior Bumble engaged in a sexually themed conversation with a child. Later engaging in a few sexually themed comments towards other minors in the RFCP server.
6.) Prior Bumble turned away from and often participated in harassment/bullying/doxxing towards ex members who publicly spoke out against him and his army.
7.) When faced with questions and judgement from the community for his poor choices, instead of admitting he messed up and apologizing: he wrote a quick message to RFCP in #news, later blamed the child for not telling him their age, asked his loyal soldiers to write a letter defending his character, created a new league to escape his problems in the current one, and went on leave in hopes it would die down.
8.) Prior Bumble frequently allowed minors into #rfcp-after-dark, only later making it role accessible after receiving backlash, and extended the role perms to #a-room, where he publicly engaged in sexual talk and encounters with minors present.
9.) Many people, including me, feel Prior Bumble was emotionally abusive towards them.
10.) When ex-members of RFCP found happiness and success in other armies; Prior Bumble was unhappy and tried to mock, diminish, bully, take away, and “dominate” their success.
11.) Prior Bumble made statements forbidding his soldiers from speaking to EX-members who publicly opposed him. He threatened demotions and bans upon anyone who “betrayed him” by speaking to these individuals.
12.) Prior Bumble, in a moment of rage and heartbreak, quit the community and completely isolated his army after not being inducted as 2019 CPA Legend. Prior Bumble allowed people to leave, but threatened bans upon anyone who stayed and continued to speak to members of the community.
13.) Prior Bumble created a division known as “Beta Fox Twenty” which served the army with the intentions of: staying in contact with ex-members who left on good terms in hopes to bring them back, to build connections with current members seen as “flight risks” to keep them in the army, to “simp” for unhappy members of RFCP to encourage them to stay in the army.
14.) Prior Bumble has sent guilt messages to members of RFCP who left the army. He described their retirements as an act of “heartbreak” and “betrayal” and would for the betterment of only himself, ask them to stay in the server and be inactive.
15.) Prior Bumble publicly, during events and server conversation, acted out his urinating kink in front of minors.
16.) Prior Bumble has treated some community officials and other army leaders with disrespect and anger when their actions/words did not directly benefit him.
17.) Prior Bumble allowed Microwaveable Hamster, to threaten legal action upon a server, with her threatening to take them to court as “witnesses”.
18.) Prior Bumble allowed CANC: known IP grabbers, doxxers, and harassers: to hold ranks, advisor statuses, and moderator permissions within RFCP.
19.) Prior Bumble encouraged the youth and soldiers of the army through appealing army merchandise, to give him their address. Therefore teaching children that it is okay to give their information to a random man on the Internet who has provided no real name or information about themselves.
20.) Prior Bumble, on multiple occasions, attempted to collect his soldiers contact information through a Google Poll, so he could stay in contact with them if RFCP ever closed, with the intentions of staying connected and possibly arranging real life meetups.
The above list serves as a quick “masterlist” of instances myself and others believe prove that Prior Bumble is a bad person and that his army is unsafe to have in the community. RFCP has their list of reasons that they believe prove he is good, that is our list of reasons that we believe prove he is bad. RFCP may feel entirely different about the contents of my list. That’s why the interpretations and views towards this list, on both sides, are opinions.
Although each of my points can be proven, I understand that RFCP can likely make a defense for each item on my list. Unfortunately defenses don’t take away from the fact that these things happened under Prior’s guidance, command, and leadership. I can provide screenshots proving Prior’s involvement in each thing on my list. RFCP can defend the actions, push blame on other people, or deny the credibility of these facts; but it doesn’t change the fact that these things happened. Even if it was someone else’s fault, he believed these things were okay or he would have permanently removed at fault soldiers from his army or high command. That is why the things on my list are associated with Prior Bumble and he is deemed at fault for these incidents. Nothing you can ever do or say will change the fact that this all happened under his watch and guidance
No amount of defensive open letters, exposés, or anything for that matter can change the things on that list or make anyone see them differently. RFCP may feel like there are good reasonings behind the things on that list, but you can’t control the way people interpret those facts and you can’t control the way people see Prior Bumble. You can’t control or dictate people’s opinions.
We can’t change the way RFCP feels about Prior Bumble, and RFCP can’t change the way we feel about Prior Bumble.
I am not discouraging RFCP from loving him though. They are allowed to feel love for him and value him as a person. Prior Bumble has made big mistakes but I don’t think that makes him undeserving of love and friendship. RFCP just can’t expect or demand that others do the same.
They are allowed to be angry: but the harassment needs to stop. It’s gone WAY too far. Prior Bumble may still be facing mean words and harassment from others, but doing it back isn’t justifiable and it doesn’t make it right. RFCP can’t act like they have a moral high ground when they have contributed to this harassment more than anyone.
After this website was posted, Microwaveable Hamster threatened legal action upon me and my boyfriend for this website. She threatened to have us fined and arrested for “defamation”. I have listed the reasons why the community feels dislike towards Prior Bumble as fact because each item on the list can be proven, I have included screenshots on this website from my personal experiences with Prior, but any accusations towards his character have always been opinion based. I have looked at the facts of what has happened and I personally feel like Prior Bumble has put children into compromising positions and has been emotionally abusive towards me and others; but that is my opinion. Someone else might look at the facts and interpret it entirely differently. I have the right to free speech and freedom of press. Her threats to me are baseless.
Although this website provided evidence to support my opinions, anything interpreted as a hard accusation was opinion based. (My opinion just happened to be very popular) RFCP saw this differently though so once my messages and stories were shared; the posts on this website were archived to prevent additional harassment towards me and my boyfriend. I posted them again a few days ago because I’m not afraid of them.
Let it be known that I only originally removed the posts to stop harassment
Shortly after this website was published, I learned that from a place of fear and love for me, Supreme had threatened over an email to send this website to members of Prior’s family if he harassed or hurt me or anyone else further. His thought process at the time was that if Prior’s family got involved then they would keep him offline and prevent him from harassing me and other individuals. He had good intentions but went about it the wrong way. I had no idea the email was sent until it was too late. The email was not kind and was definitely not okay, and although I understand why he sent it, you will not see me excusing his actions in this post. When I found out he had sent that email I was absolutely furious at him and immediately messaged Coolj, the new Commander of RFCP with an apology.
Coolj quickly responded with this message:
Although my promise was kept, and Supreme never sent the website to Prior Bumble’s family; Coolj’s promise to end the harassment was broken.
Coolj, who is supposed to be the Commander of RFCP, obviously doesn’t have enough control over Microwaveable Hamster, a high ranking member of his high command, to stop her from harassing me and threatening to take me and other community members to court. Instead: Prior Bumble, who still partially leads from behind the scenes: encouraged her harassment, went above Coolj and commanded RFCP to not accept my offer to squash the beef and end the drama, and actually ordered RFCP officers back in October to write an open letter about me and Supreme to ruin our reputations. We are still awaiting the letter. (They’re too busy sending me threatening messages on social to write something)
When I contacted Microwaveable Hamster back when the drama was at its worst, with apologies, a kind message, and a heart full of good intentions, she straight up refused to end the drama for the sake of everyone involved, and again threatened legal action.
Supreme and I (and others) cannot face any legal consequences for this website, and/or the email. Again: freedom of speech and press protects me. I have never stated my opinions as fact. Supreme is 19 years old and made a mistake which was quickly acknowledged and fixed. The fact that Microham thinks our Club Penguin drama will eventually turn into a full blown trial with witnesses is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. RFCP obviously knows that Supreme isn’t gonna do anything because if they were truly fearful of retaliation, they’d have stayed quiet and not harassed and threatened us. We were never fearful of legal action, it’s actually been really funny and some of my best memes were created as a result of the threats. (DM me and I’ll send)
I recently spoke to multiple members of RFCP and again asked them what I could do to help end this harassment: as I stated earlier it is still happening and it’s deeply affecting me. Every single person I spoke to said that they wanted to end it, but anytime they tried to, Microwaveable Hamster and Prior Bumble refused.
Prior Bumble and Microwaveable Hamster seem hell bent on eventually doing something to fix Prior Bumble’s reputation, yet they are doing one of the very things that has deeply damaged it to begin with. Of course ending the harassment would help me, but it would benefit themselves more than anyone. If the harassment ended it could give them a small chance at repairing RFCP’s reputation away from Prior. They could possibly change the narrative associated with RFCP and present themselves in a new way. Their stubbornness on not ending the harassment is exactly what everyone expects them to do and it’s pushing RFCP to an even further point of no return.
I know that I have in the past, and currently make jokes about RFCP in public servers. Anyone who knows me knows that humor is how I cope with highly emotional situations. I still apologize for any offensive jokes I’ve made to/about RFCP. However the petty jokes I’ve made are nothing in comparison to the real life threats I’ve received from RFCP. All I want is for this to stop and if they agreed to end it, you’d never see me making another petty comment about RFCP again. However if they ever come at me or Supreme in retaliation to this website, I will always defend myself; and I have more on them than they have on me. I just want this to end though, I don’t want to do that. The past year has been emotionally exhausting and I just want to recover. .
To prove yet again that I am over this drama and want to move forward: Microwaveable Hamster is free to message me on Discord for the login to the RFCP Instagram account that I made back when I was still in the army. All I ask is for a member of RFCP to DM me when she is ready and I’ll unblock her. If I don’t hear from her I’ll be deleting the account because I don’t want it.
I’ll be honest though and say that I am emotionally not in a good place due to the bullying I’ve received from RFCP since September. It’s been awful.
Here is just a fraction of what they’ve been doing to me:
Along with threats of legal action, Microwaveable Hamster put alts into every server I am in to stalk me and gather evidence for her “lawsuit”. RFCP originally condoned and supported CANC’s attempts to doxx and harass me and my boyfriend and never revoked their positions within their army back when it was at its worst. CANC went as far as to spam my phone number with calls and send it to known doxxers, RFCP did nothing and didn’t remove them from their staff until much later. Prior Bumble mocked my mental health to people in RFCP and used my depression/hospitalizations as a way to make me look crazy and not credible, Prior Bumble started rumors that Supreme had threatened to beat up a small child in my family. Prior Bumble started a rumor that Supreme was the most dangerous individual in the community. I’ve received threatening messages on my personal phone number and social media accounts, and I am still receiving harassing messages on Discord from alt accounts.
As someone who is prone to intense feelings of panic, anxiety, and depression: knowing that a group of people is out to get me leaves me feeling very distressed and anxious.
I’ve gotten my family involved in the situation and they are doing everything in their power to support me and get me though this. It is obvious to everyone in my life that I have severe PTSD from my time in RFCP and what has happened since my departure.
Due to the threats I’ve gotten and the extent of the emotional trauma I’m dealing with: I’ve had to get law enforcement involved and inform them of what Prior Bumble and Microwaveable Hamster have done and are still doing, just in case they threaten real life violence on me.
Prior has likely given Microwaveable Hamster all of my information (and Supreme’s) along with CANC. They released our first names in a public RFCP blog without our consent. Imagine if I had released Prior’s name on this website, they would have been pissed. I’ve had to warn police of possible SWAT/Doxx threats to me.
As much as I try to hide it, I’m consumed by anxiety and depression all of the time because of what they’ve done to me. I know I shouldn’t care what they think but it hurts knowing that all of my mental health issues are being mocked when I can barely make it through the day.
Certain smells associate my mind with RFCP and throw me into flashback panic attacks. I’ve had to throw away perfumes, candles, air fresheners, and even laundry detergents.
I can’t touch my computer anymore because it reminds me of my time in RFCP and I have a panic attack.
I can’t listen to certain songs that were popular around the time when things in RFCP were the worst for me.
I can’t eat certain foods I used to enjoy because they remind me of RFCP
If anything remotely related to RFCP is brought up, I become very distressed. My mom said Northern Lights the other day and I panicked and almost cried. Key words that I associate with RFCP trigger me. (I didn’t know the word “prior” was so common until it started triggering me)
They are affecting my relationships with people in real life. I feel like everyone I know is manipulating me and using me. It’s making me push away people I love because I’m scared of getting hurt like that again.
I don’t like talking to people I was once close with because I feel like I’m a terrible friend to them and I am scared they will talk to me how Prior talked to me.
I can’t look at photos in my phone because I have over 15,000 RFCP screenshots still saved to my photos (probably more, I have 34,028 photos on my phone) and it’s too triggering to go through and delete them. (I’ve tried and it failed miserably)
I’ve had physical symptoms from the amount of anxiety I experience every day. My body hurts all of the time, my head hurts every day, I feel weak and tired. I am not the same as I used to be. I can barely walk across the house.
I barely sleep anymore because each time I close my eyes I have nightmares about my RFCP trauma and what’s happened after. I haven’t had a good nights sleep in months. My sleeping medications make it harder for me to wake up from the nightmares. So I either don’t take the medications and I’m up all night, or I take them and I struggle to wake up from nightmares.
I can’t even go visit my grandparents because I lived with them over the summer and I associate them and their entire house with RFCP. I haven’t spoken to them in months because it’s triggering.
There is not a single thing I can do that I don’t connect to RFCP in some way shape or form. I am always irritable, on edge, anxious, and depressed.
I barely get out of bed. I’m up until like 9 am without sleep most mornings because I couldn’t settle my mind enough to sleep. If I sleep it’s only a one to two hour nap by the time I eventually wake up from a nightmare. I’m not taking care of myself. I’ve lost an unhealthy amount of weight in a short time period.
Back in RFCP, I secretly turned to things like medications, smoking, and alcohol to help cope with my emotions. It is taking every part of me to not rely on those substances again to get through what I’m going through.
It is hard because I can’t heal and properly deal with what happened to me in RFCP because it is continuing to happen. I’ve left discord and retired from armies like 10 times and it’s still happening. I am trying to get control of my life back but it’s hard when I am being stalked and can’t escape what caused these feelings to begin with.
And to make matters worse, I am unable to get the proper mental health services I need because too many people are suffering with mental health issues due to the pandemic. I need intense therapy and treatment and I’m only able to see someone once a month. It’s not enough especially with the severity of what I’m continuing to deal with. No medications have been able to help me.
I don’t leave the house. I am unable to calm my anxiety enough to get a job and if I see/hear a trigger I wouldn’t be able to control my panic. I’m on edge constantly.
This needs to end. What they are doing to me and what they’ve done to other people isn’t okay. I am hoping that this post will make them see things differently but I don’t know if that’s possible at this point. I feel hopeless because I know that they don’t see anything wrong with what they are doing.
I’ve taken everyone’s advice: some people told me to let them die to irrelevancy, they are very much irrelevant but still harass me. I’ve been told to join a new army and forget about them, they still harass me. I was told to leave Discord and armies: I did and a week later they contacted my personal phone number.
It feels like they just don’t want me to be content and happy in life, which sucks because I am deeply in love with my boyfriend and I really want to be happy. We have so many plans for our future and I’m so excited. It’s just hard because I feel like no matter what I do or where I go, they will find a way to hurt me. I am an absolute mess and I am desperate for this to end.
Despite what they did to me though I am here writing a post intended to help them and change the way they see things so we can all move on. All I want is for the drama to end and for them to realize that yes it’s hurting me, but it’s hurting them even more.
I hope more than anything that this post will encourage them to end this harassment, but I’m not stupid and I know that there is huge chance that this will continue and I’ll be in an even worse position.
RFCP has done this for too long and enough is enough. Dumb messages and server comments are something I can deal with because I do it too: but the threats of open letters, legal action, and attacks towards my real life are too much. They have taken it too far.
If this continues or intensifies I am asking for members of the CPA community to step in and help get them to stop because I’ve tried everything and nothing has worked. This is too much for me to deal with alone and I never want this to happen to anyone else.
If they don’t see anything wrong with what they’re doing right now, this will keep going and happen to others.
The stuff they’re doing shouldn’t be tolerated anywhere in this community, especially after I communicated the extent of how it has been making me feel. If they continue harassing me after hearing how much I’ve been suffering, it will prove that they don’t care about anyone except themselves. It will prove they care more about getting revenge than they do someone’s mental health. I don’t think that type of selfishness belongs anywhere in the community and I ask that if it continues to happen, someone steps in to isolate them once and for all, for the betterment of everyone. This streak of harassment the RFCP sends into the lives of innocent community members can’t be ignored or tolerated anymore. Enough is enough.
What I hope for more than anything though is that RFCP stops and re-evaluates how they’ve been to people, and works on being better. That will benefit themselves more than anyone.
I don’t hate RFCP and I want them to find success, I just want them to find it in a way that doesn’t involve Prior Bumble or bullying. I might be naive but I think that with the right people in their army and high command they are capable of it.
Thank you for reading. I hope everyone has had a great holiday season, and I want to wish you all a Happy New Year!